In 2015, I was diagnosed with severe depression, acute anxiety, PTSD, and mild psychosis—and if there’s a spicy version, no thanks.
Short story: I had a nervous breakdown.
Shorter story: I lost my mind.
Two years of therapy and a combo cocktail of pills later, I realized that I am not the same person I once was.
BC (before crazy), I was confident, savvy, powerful, focused, driven, dynamic, tenacious, unstoppable—all the rest of the positive “job” attributes companies want badly and pay dearly for.
Now, I was a pathologically insecure, skittish, confusing and confounding, powerless over my demons, afraid, withdrawn, subservient, cowering— all the rest of the “crazy” attributes you read about in bestsellers and horrific movies about people spiraling out of a former, “normal” life.
I was me but not me.
It took me a long time to realize this new me isn’t necessarily worse than my previous incarnation. It’s just different. I am a psychological marriage of two.
I was still Steven, just a different one.
One day, I doodled myself into a logo and then deduced the equation that got me to that logo—a logo for my new name, Ste7en.
I was so sickeningly proud of myself. I thought this was nothing short of design genius. Award-worthy work. Communication Arts is going to go nuts over this.
Then, some comments by a few very astute fans were posing the question: How do you pronounce my name?
One gentleman supposed the 7 divided by the T would be pronounced STEH-vuhn.
I was mortified. Cuz he was kinda right.
However, for the record,
it’s still pronounced STEE-ven.
But I was so happy for the mispronunciation because it put my ego in check. Just because I see something one way, doesn’t mean everybody else does.
And that is a lesson that’s very much like Love.
Don’t always look at things how you see them, try to understand how others do.
Amen?
Amen.
