animehem/central casting 5

head and another really long head to take up lots of space

head and another really long head to take up lots of space

head and another really long head to take up lots of space

head and another really long head to take up lots of space

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I thought this was genius. Maybe not near the level of a Lemonade-squeezing Beyonce but Reba definitely smokes Queen Bey in the humor department, along with being extremely sharp and devilishly clever. Tremors turned out to be a big fat stupid moneymaking hit that spawned countless sequels, none of which I saw, partially because Reba wasn’t in ‘em. Because she was pitch perfect in the part. Reba is an enterprise. Movies, albums, the television show, specials, concert tours. If she had time to cook I’m sure she’d elbow Paula Deen outta the way and have her  own line of rhinestone-bejeweled bakeware. But her empire is large enough. And she runs it like a Tag Hauer.

Reba’s cogs and gears are grinding constantly. That tour is run with impeccable showmanship and attention to detail. She’s den mother, boss, and star all at the same time, juggling everything in a day that the entire cast of poor Cameron Crowe’s Showtime flop Roadies did in an entire mercilessly cancelled first season. In Einar’s words, Reba is one cool customer.

A cool customer except when she finds herself accidentally being face-to-face with some strange fag’s naked bee-hind. Einar told Lesley that he’d never seen Reba like that, missing a beat, thrown a left curve ball she couldn’t easily smack right back out of the park. Instead, she fumbled with that curve and her words before finally laughing, probably wiping her embarrassed forehead from the beads of sweat that were beginning before, gosh darnit, she had to admit it as well:

That is one hot heiny.

I should have gone public with this story years ago. It was funny at the time. But now it’s the days of Harvey Weinstein’s jazz hands and Louis CK jacking off in front of anyone who’ll stand still long enough and I feel like a jerk. But I swear I didn’t mean anything by it. I never mooned anyone in college. I’m a late bloomer. Let’s just blame it on that.

But seriously, I’m sorry if I offended either of you, Reba or Kelly. That said, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that there has been more than one occasion where those HUGE compliments didn’t get me off my…well, my ass, and back in front of the Power 90 DVDs. I need all the motivation I can get. Although the music on the workout mix is pretty inspiring. But I think I can safely say no one listens to “Since You Been Gone” or “Fancy Don’t Let Me Down” and has the same thrill that I do.

I mean, really. When else is my ass ever gonna be on a tour bus with rock stars? Who do I think I am? Tesh?!

It's only rock and roll But I like it, like it, yes I do

It's only rock and roll But I like it, like it, yes I do

It's only rock and roll But I like it, like it, yes I do

It's only rock and roll But I like it, like it, yes I do

It's only rock and roll But I like it, like it, yes I do

It's only rock and roll But I like it, like it, yes I do

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