one boy walking up to another boy on a beach with the nuff said essay title boys

I know, right?

This was written after your prior visit 2 weeks ago. For a moment, this is who I saw.

How different

to look at the man,

see the boy he once was. Not

an imagining, no. 

Because all you can really do is use

all the moments of boyhood to see him.

It’s never voluntary. You don’t know

when and

if

it’s going to happen. But you’ll know it

when it does. It is singularly

overwhelming, as if a portal opened

up and it takes away

everything

you know, that man you respect

fades, as does his occupation and bills and

obligations, his car, his trophies, his worries

his woes.

Every lover’s touch he

freed you with, the way

he fucked you, the manliness of his beard, the few wrinkles he

has, his confident gait, his

huge and swollen cock, his anxieties and

lies, his

addictions, all

disappear. His future? The portal

steals them all. And you see him in a new light. It is

biblical. Jesus, the mud, the scales

falling from your eyes. He is all

innocence now and the agony is taken away. Your lust

has been replaced by something sweet, an

adoration. You can see him thinking,

puzzling, his face in the dog he is

muzzling with smaller hands so he can kiss him

on the nose. He is scraped knee, pride is a discovery, he is all

future and hope and promise and

wonder. And this man who you thought you

knew so well reveals himself to 

be

something entirely new to you, not a

betrayal of your vision but a deepening of your understanding, you

appreciate him, like an old man appreciates mornings, you

truly marvel

because though you know who he will be, what you

see now is how far he has

come, the green now grown, but these things are not new

to him or lost

on you, these things have never really left because these things are still

in him, a fabric

woven into his blood, a history 

written on bone. You want to hold him, comfort him, protect

him, tell

him, Now I know but how foolish that would be, you

trying to explain to him you have met who

he was and how it makes you love him all

the more. But he will never know you have seen

this secret

child,

but you keep that boy in your heart. One day

it will bring this enormous

illumination to you, a realization of who

he really is

then

and now, youth and

experience, beauty

and age, the beguiled and the sometime

broken. He is

all

these miracles and

more. You feel such

joy.

 

Because who is this man

without the boy?

Astros George Springer Jose Altuve and Alex Bregman with Leslie Jones on Saturday Night Live
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