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But Hot Pix RIGHT?

I’ve been working

on this for a coupla weeks now. When you came over last night, I had second thoughts about finishing it and giving it to you. But when I examined my motives and found they were 20% self-serving and selfish/80% filial and Christianic, those odds were good enough for me. They may not be enough for you and, of course, that’s okay. 

When you came over a couple of weeks ago, the dread of what was happening and the dread of what was coming was all over you. As you were talking, I saw you in an entirely new light. Not a bad light but, pardon the pun, an illuminating one. I don’t know how much stock you put in visions and I’m waaaaay reluctant to pin something I imagined on Him, nor can I deny the clarity I saw you with.

Then last night, you looked so anguished. What you feared was going to happen had come to pass and I think even you were blindsided by how much it affected you. You pretty consistent with rebuffing about 1-2/3 of my summations, but last night you just quietly agreed with every one, so that the more bowed your neck and posture, the harder it was to hear you quietly agree.

When you were here before, I kept wondering what I could do to help. I just wanted something nice. Like really nice. Even if I had the money I wouldn’t know what to give you. But I do have all…this…inside and I’m so tired of not having someone to give it to I could just scream.

I did a few nice things for Architect, wrote him a note or two one time, turned my living room into a sex playground. But we played our Top/Bottom, Daddy/Boy roles for so long it seemed to prevent us from really having any kind of deep friendship. Moreso for awhile there when Kimber died but then he died.

So neither of my reg Tops ever really allowed me to do boyfriend stuff for them that didn’t involve nudity or perversion. Yeah, pillow talk and pre-fuck catching up. And it sounds perverse now—I can talk myself out of any good idea—but it just seemed a little too perfect.

I'm talking too much And you never finished my book so I better wrap this up quick!